Rochester Post Bulletin
12/09/2003

HOSPICE SERIES
Hospice includes bereavement help

By Jeff Hansel
jhansel@postbulletin.com

When a patient dies, services from hospice don't end.

"Immediately following the death, we always send a yellow rose, either to the visitation and funeral, or to a family member if it's not in the area," said Seasons Hospice Bereavement Coordinator Kris Litzow.

Grief must be addressed.

For that reason, bereavement services are an integral part of hospice. Volunteerism is also vital.

Recently, hospice sponsored the annual community remembrance ceremony for survivors. This year's ceremony, Memories of the Heart, drew hundreds to Assisi Heights' chapel. More than 550 names of deceased loved ones were read aloud.

For some people, the grief was still intense. For others, this was the second, third or fourth year of attendance.

"I don't know if (grief) ever really goes away," said Stuart Gage, whose father died Oct. 30.

Taking time to reflect in a support group, when hospice bereavement workers call or in other ways is important, hospice workers said. Gage remembers sitting on a swing on his father's front porch.

"Him and I would sit and watch the birds, and the dogs play," Gage said. Finding ways to connect with loss becomes part of life. For Gage, driving his father's pickup helps.

"I didn't know nothing about hospice until this happened," Gage said. "Somehow, more people's got to know about Seasons, and about hospice."

After his father died, "they sent stuff to us in the mail," Gage said. "They called us to see how everything was going. Someone called -- I think it was the week after Dad passed away -- to see how we were."

What Gage likes about hospice staff is how they consider a patient's needs first.

"Then, once that's met, they turn around and take care of the family," he said.

Hospice workers, whether at Seasons or elsewhere, are often described by those they serve as special people. Their work is difficult. They are often on call. Their daily discussions with patients and family range from bewilderment to gut-busting laughter to tears of anguish. Their presence and full involvement in the service "shows that they care about what they're doing and the families that they have served," Gage said.

"There are certain names, where you hear the name and it just brings back the whole story," said Julie Assef, a hospice social worker.

Remembrance ceremonies such as last week's are healing for staff, she said. It allows a moment to reflect about the preceding year.

"It's just kind of a reminder to me why we do this," she said.

Volunteer Dick Hyland, 73, of Hayfield became so familiar with hospice while his wife, Donna, was dying in 1999 that he decided to volunteer. With training, he's become a regular member of the Seasons Hospice volunteer team. He said he enjoys time spent with patients.

"They have so much to tell, and they just love to tell you how life has been," he said.

Time watching television, sharing a story or just changing a light bulb can be on a volunteer's agenda. Always, the patient is at the top of the list.

"It's comfort and care, you know. That's what hospice means," Hyland said.

Knowing hospice will be there for bereavement care is a comfort for both patients and loved ones.

Most hospice patients remain in their own homes during their care. Those who need to can go to the Seasons house. There, a cat named Olivia lives.

Gage said that when his father died, the cat "got up and laid on his chest. She just laid there."

The cat often visits patients just before or after death. For families, such an event is often an amazingly spiritual moment, transitional on their path toward grief.

"We try to help the families get through their grief and (see) how to look ahead," Hyland said.

For hospice workers, looking ahead means being with patients. The day after the remembrance ceremony, they were back at patients' sides, again helping dying people live, helping families prepare for loss and offering hope to those who survive.